published in the Rising Sun EFT Group Newsletter, August 2009
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This guest article is by Carna Zacharias-Miller. Carna is one of the most skilled and sensitive EFTers I know when it comes to working with the Inner Child. She and I both value this work very much, as a matter of fact we have a Facebook group called Healing The Inner Child with EFT. If you’re on FB, just search for that and join us! Carna has also developed a wonderful new approach called Magical EFT, which I love. More on Magical EFT soon.
Thanks so much, Carna, for this moving article.
From Carna Zacharias Miller
I have been working with lots of inner babies lately, so I wrote this up. Thank you!
HEALING THE INNER BABY WITH EFT
While I am always focused on the young self when I am working on childhood trauma with EFT, I recently realized that I am very much tuned in to the baby self. It is absolutely amazing how alive these inner babies are, how this very early time can influence a whole life, and how EFT can heal a bad start into life in a profound way.
When I inquire about their childhood, clients often start talking about the time when they were toddlers. However, I like to guide them back right to the early stages of their existence. If there was a disconnection from the mother, it almost always started right in the beginning. I call this timeframe “Conception/Pregnancy/Birth”. Of course, there are usually no conscious memories, but there are always powerful emotions – often triggered by the things our parents told us.
Conception issues are not so much sexual (although they can be), but circumstances around that moment in time, like illness of the mother, or absence of the father. In my experience, the two most painful and far-reaching issues are: “I was not wanted”, and “I was just a girl, they really wanted a boy”. The knowledge or just the inner knowing (parents don’t always tell us directly) of not being wanted always brings up intense emotional pain.
Even though my mother thought of abortion when she was pregnant with me, and that makes me feel devastated in the pit of my stomach…
Even though I was the 6th child that my father forced on my mother, and she just did her catholic duty, and that makes me feel sad and angry…
Being of the “wrong” gender is not really a gender issue. It installs a self-destructive belief system in a girl that often taints her whole life:
Even though I am worthless, and there is nothing I can do about that…
Even though I am never good enough, whatever I do
Even though I was a mistake, I was not supposed to be here, and I still don’t know what I am doing here…
Moving on to pregnancy and birth, we deal with specific shocking experiences, like dangerous health complications, being pulled out with forceps, or left behind in an incubator. Often, the physical and/or emotional separation from the mother happens right after birth. It is always perceived as heartbreaking abandonment by the mother even if there were rational reasons for it (for example, in my own case it was the outbreak of her schizophrenia).
Then we spend loving, caring time with “Baby Anna”, “Baby Molly”, or “Baby Sam” (not real names). That is where the pain, and the hurt, and the desperation, and the anger often come to a peak. Intense loneliness, feeling powerless, hopeless, and a deep yearning for being held and touched are big issues. I believe that it is important to give these babies who were severely emotionally neglected a voice that they did not have when they were actually going through the experience. Once they are allowed to speak their truth through the now adult self, they are ready to be comforted and healed by this adult self.
Sometimes I use a little guided imagery to connect to a specific visual and emotional “snapshot” of the baby, and then we tap on every detail that comes up:
Even though nobody touches Baby Anne, and she feels desperately lonely in her crib, I am treating this baby with kindness and compassion.
Even though nobody even looks at Baby Molly, and nobody picks her up when she is left alone in the bedroom, I give this baby all the love she needs.
Even though Baby Sam’s mother yelled at him in the kitchen when he was hungry and crying, I am healing this baby now.
One session of EFT (not always tearless…) focused on the inner baby can make a big difference. Usually it is not as dramatic as it was with “Kathy”: After just one session spent with her baby self, she felt great, lost the 10 lbs she always wanted to lose, and found the love of her life. However, most clients feel relief when the baby self has been acknowledged in a loving way, and the adult self is ready to support this tender part with love and compassion.
Sometimes, there is a spiritual aspect to this work: Some people have a strong feeling of the radiance, beauty, joy, and unconditional love they experienced before their incarnation. If they find themselves in an environment that is loveless or even hostile, they go through intense, very painful feelings of being trapped in the womb, of fear and regret about coming into the physical world. To lighten up the heavy mood, I sometimes let them tap on: “What was I thinking!”
Ultimately, EFT shapes and illuminates our spiritual quest.
Carna Zacharias-Miller is a certified EFT practitioner in Tallahassee, Florida.